Confessions of a Drunken Mind: Real Life of

Robin Cullen was 34 years old hen she went to a wedding wirh a girlfriends, drank, danced and had a good time.

"But then I made a bigger mistake drinking," she said. "I picked up my keys and got behind the wheel and crashed my truck." Her friend was killed in the crash and Cullen, 40, was sentenced to eight years at York Correctional Institution, Connecticut Maximum-security prison for women and was suspended after three-and-a-half years.

Cullen, along with Chris Beckman and Ruthie Alcaide, former members of the Chicago and Hawaii casts of MTV's "Real World," were invited by the Arch Street Teen Center Tuesday night to share their experiences with alcohol and drugs in a panel called "Confessions of a Drunken Mind: The Real Life of the "Real World."

About 200 seventh through 12th graders listened to the speakers describe how when they drank, they suffered immediate consequences.

"I'm not going to kid you," said Kyle Silver, executive director of the Arch Street Center and head of the Teen Executive Committee for the Greenwich Coalition to Combat Underage Drinking. "We invited the Real World with the idea that if we had these guys [Ruthie and Chris] here, we could get the message out to a larger audience."

Arch Street and the Coalition invited local service organizations such as Safe Rides and Kids in Crisis to tell teens where to get help with anything relating to alcohol. "We took a poll before this event and many of the kids said they had tried alcohol at least once," said Pail Keminet, co-president of the Teen Executive Committee.

Beckman, 27 months sober, had his first drink when he was 12 and spoke of the tragic events that befell him as a direct result of drugs and alcohol. Blackouts were common; he defined a "blackout" as drinking so much alcohol you don't have any recollection of who you talked to, who you slept with, or where you parked your car. He won a scholarship to Suffolk University be he essentially drank it away.

Out one night in early 2001, beckman flipped his car, put his head through his windshield and woke up in jail with no idea how he got there. "I want these guys to know enough is enough," said Beckman. "I want them to see some of the mistakes I've made and the choices too. Addiction runs rampant throughout the high school in Greenwich. It's important for me to be an example."

Alcaide discovered booze at the age of 19 when someone on a dance floor gave her a Long Island Iced Tea. On the second day of filming the "Real World's" Hawaii show, she got drunk and by the next morning was in the emergency room. The whole episode was taped but she remembers nothing.

"I couldn't believe it was me," said Alcaide, who watched the segment several months later. "Have you ever had one of those nights?" she queries the audience. "Watching it was surreal." The episode earned "Real World" the highest ratings at the time.

When Alcaide was filmed drinking and driving, she was kicked off the show and asked to enter a rehabilitation program for 28 days. "When drunk, you think you are invincible," she said. "You are superman or superwoman...I was fortunate, God was looking out for me and said, 'Watch it!'"

Alcaide drinks occasionally today but not to "crazy" excess. Beckman and Cullen are completely abstinent. At the time of Cullen's accident, she said she thought she was drinking responsibly.

"Where is the line where we determine it's not OK to drive?" she asked. "since we don't have an inside barometer to know when you have been drinking. Just don't ever use drugs and alcohol."

Cullen's story on prison life was included in an anthology of stories, Couldn't keep it to Myself: Wally Lamb and the Women of York Correctional Institution, Testimonies from our Imprisoned Sisters.

Most people who are incarcerated committed crimes while under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol, according to Cullen, "I'm grateful for the truth that sets me free."

John E. Hicka, the parent of a teen in attendance, learned from the engaging panel.. "I was disappointed that more parents weren't here," said Hicka. "We are not preaching to the choir here and parents need to hear this. Today, the children are leading the parents...the most worthwhile thing is to listen to the voice of youth."

Cullen said she sees how her choices had far-reaching effects and caused others a lot of pain. "Don't drink, don't use drugs and don't be a member of the club," said Cullen.

"The 'I killed my best friend club.'"

Just prior to the crush of teens who descended on Ruthie and Chris for autographs, Silver reminded the audience of their good fortune living in a community that has the resources and help available to help young teens combat alcohol and drug abuse.

"Just remember, we love you," said Silver. "Use everything you can to watch out for one another. It's your job and responsibility as a teenager."